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CAREER CHOICES
o If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become
a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
o Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to
kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley
systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow
their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
CONFLICT
o It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in
a fight involving martial arts—your enemies will wait patiently to attack
you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have
knocked out their predecessors.
o You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war
unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart
back home.
o A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
THE HOME FRONT
o Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well
within the price range of most people — whether they are employed or not.
o At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
o When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything
in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
o All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach
up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
beside her.
o All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick
of French bread.
o If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be
thrown through it before long.
o If staying in a haunted house, women will investigate
any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
LAW AND ORDER
o Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally
gunned down three days before their retirement.
o During all police investigations, it will be necessary
to visit a strip club at least once.
o A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.
o Police departments give their officers personality
tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their
total opposite.
TECHNOLOGY
o Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override
the communications system of any invading alien society.
o Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which
wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
o Word processors never display a cursor on screen but
will always say: Enter Password Now.
o All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices
with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
o Once applied, lipstick will never rub off — even while
scuba diving.
TRAVEL
o It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there
is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
o Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it
is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every
few moments.
o If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
you meet will know all the steps.
o The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
o When they are alone, all foreign military officers
prefer to speak to each other in English.